What If
by Abbykinz813
Summary: I must be on drugs or something, because my body is acting completely on it's own without any of my consent whatsoever. Without thinking, I start gently pushing him back against the couch so he's propped up, leaning in close to whisper to him. Roxas/Sora


What if... What if I just leaned down, while he was sleeping, and kissed him? How would he react? Would he yell at me? Would he even wake up? What if he didn't? If I really did do it... would I try to pass it off as an accident? Sleep walking? Or maybe I would just tell him I fell... or not say anything at all?

I sighed. It had started off as such a nice day; Sora and I were hanging out to spend all of our Christmas money, but once we got home and Sora fell asleep, I was left with a dimly lit room, the TV playing, and my thoughts. And let me tell you, giving myself time to think was not a good idea. Why? Because I start thinking up fantasies like this. Kissing my best friend, and a guy, no less! He's not even gay, and for all he knows, neither am I! But I couldn't deny that the feelings I had for him were much more than just friendly, and it was killing me.

It had begun during the summer, my realization of what exactly I was feeling. It had been going on for a long time, I just never really noticed. All I ever felt was jealous and I didn't know why, but it finally struck me. I was jealous of the people he was close to. More specifically, his girlfriend. I had never liked her. She was too annoying, too clingy, but I never knew that it was because _I_ wanted to be in her place. Every time I saw them I always felt like my stomach was sinking, and soon enough I couldn't even stand to look at them together.

And look where all of this got me? Fantasizing practically every time I was with him (and even when I wasn't) of throwing Kairi aside. Of completely ignoring her to pin him against the closest flat surface and just... well, you know. Which was exactly what I was doing now, but the situation was different, seeing as it was the middle of the night, just him and me, in his living room, all alone...

I move slowly, turning over onto my side and crawling on top of him. I try to put as little of my weight on him as possible, praying and praying that he won't wake up, or at least that he won't push me away. For what seemed like eternity, I just stared. Stared and stared at that beautiful sleeping face. I wish I could see him smile at me, his eyes sparkling just as blue as mine, but so much more full of life. I lean down to get my face closer until I can feel his breath on my cheeks. I stop moving when he stirs, my heart rate speeding up to about a hundred beats per second (exaggerating, of course, but that's what it felt like), but I start breathing again when he doesn't wake. Slowly but surely, I move to intertwine my fingers with his, which are thankfully up by his face. My heart starts racing again when I my lips made contact with his cheek, trying to breathe as little as possible. I trail down to his lips, kissing the top of his nose first. _Forgive me..._

Kissing Sora was much better than I had imagined. It was like kissing an angel, and just about as wrong as doing that would be. I couldn't get enough of it. The feeling sends shivers down my spine, and soon enough I start to deepen the kiss. Of course, all good things come to an end. I can feel the body underneath me suddenly tense up, followed by muffled yells and kicking and squirming.

I let go immediately; releasing my grip on his hands and throwing my arms back a little more than necessary. Okay, I'm honestly really surprised I had actually just done all of that. Fantasizing was one thing, but actually acting on it? Completely different.

Sora looks at me with both curiosity and surprise, glancing down to look at the position we're in before back up at me. "Roxas, what are you doing?"

I shake my head, hunched over in an attempt to hide my face, my hands in fists on his chest. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry! I couldn't help it! You just... you were sleeping and... I wasn't thinking, I just... Dammit! I'm sorry..."

"Whoa, okay, calm down. Are you alright?" he asks, and I can feel him trying to sit up under me. "Come on, look at me."

I flinch away when he touches my cheek. Why couldn't he have just yelled at me? It would have been so much easier than having to sit here and tell him the truth just to get rejected. I'd rather be thrown out of his life completely than have to make him endure being around me if I was going to end up doing things like this... "S-shouldn't I be the one... consoling you right now?"

"Ha ha, maybe," he laughs nervously, scratching the back of his head, "but... well, you looked pretty freaked too, so... um... but, why...?"

I shake my head. Why do I have to have such horrible luck? "I don't know... You're just so damn adorable, I couldn't help it..."

"Ha ha, I see..." he sighs shakily, an awkward silence falling over us.

I must be on drugs or something, because my body is acting completely on it's own without any of my consent whatsoever. Without thinking, I start gently pushing him back against the couch so he's propped up, leaning in close to whisper to him. "Can I kiss you again...?"

"What? R-Roxas, um... uh, you know, Kairi..." I can tell Sora is starting to panic a bit. His face is all red and he keeps slipping up with his words, but in all honestly these flustered notions just make him look even cuter than he already is.

"Please..." I beg, pressing closer. "Just tonight...?"

"Well..." he sighes reluctantly. I wonder if my mind's craziness has gotten to him, too. "J-just tonight, I guess..."

My heart flutters excitedly when he actually gives me the okay, and my mind starts thinking up just what exactly I can get away with. I trail my fingers over his skin, his shirt still rolled up over his chest. He flinches at the touch, and I pause for a second before continuing. His mouth is open and I can't help but make our lips collide again, sliding my hands up to hold his face. It's a lot different, kissing him when he's awake and actually kissing back. I pressed my tongue into his mouth, invading every corner I could reach. The taste of his mouth... the sound of our lips smacking together and the short gasps of breath in between... the feel of his tongue pressing back; it all made me moan.

I felt the muscle in my chest jump when his hands slid up the back of my shirt, his nails gently digging into my skin as he moaned. I broke the kiss, sitting back and ribbing off my shirt along with his. Locking our lips for a couple seconds more, I trail down to his neck, latching on right where his shoulder started. He moaned louder, clawed at my back harder. After licking the bruised skin, I move back to his lips so I can kiss him again. It's not enough. I need _more_.

I let my hands slide down his chest and past his stomach, fingering the soft fabric just under his bellybutton before letting one slip under. Sora's eyes open suddenly, letting out a half yelp, half moan. "R-Roxas..!"

"Sorry, my hands are cold..." I whisper in his ear, letting my hand rest on his abdomen for a few seconds before curling my fingers around his hardening member. The sound of his moan sending pleasurable shivers down my spine as I began to move. Up, down, up, down. His feet curl up as I start to move my hand faster and I'm sure he's scratched some of the skin off my back but I could care less about the pain right now. His breath is ragged and uneven, but I'm sure mine is as well.

I lick off the saliva that's trailing down the side of his mouth before diving into a kiss tongue first. I try to keep my eyes open just so I can see his face but I can only get them to open halfway because my eyelids feel like lead. I move back to his neck, biting and sucking all over his chest and shoulders. Every time he moans it makes my heart beat quicker. My hand pump faster.

He gets louder and louder until he suddenly curls up, his whole body freezing for a second as he lets out a cry and I feel that warm liquid shoot onto my stomach before he practically collapses. I remove my hand, unlatch my mouth from his chest and press my forehead to his while I try to ignore the fact that I've still got one hell of an erection.

"Sora... I've got something to confess..." I whisper, a smile spreading across my face. "I've had a major crush on you since the summer."

"I... I've got something... to confess... too..." he gasps, catching his breath before he continues. "I... kind of... knew all along..."

I sit up enough so I can look at him. "What?"

At this he smiles. "You've never been good at keeping secrets, Rox, especially when it has to do with your emotions. I kind of noticed you were acting different, and I talked to Riku about it and then I found out..."

I laugh, embarrassed that it had been so obvious that even Sora, the most oblivious person I have ever met, could tell. "Sorry..."

"It's okay." His smile widens and he hugs me tighter. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close to me, burying my face in his neck. Even though he can't see me I'm pretty sure he could tell I had a huge grin on my face. After a couple minutes we both fall asleep, the feel of his chest rising and falling with his still shaky breathing sort of like a lullaby for me.

* * *

When I wake up, it takes me a couple of minutes to remember what all had happened and another few to convince myself it hadn't all been some crazy dream. But no, the evidence was clearly there... and dried onto my and Sora's stomachs.

A groan next to me signaled Sora's awakening, and I roll over to greet him with a grin. "Rise and shine, sleepyhead. It's like, two in the afternoon."

I watch he groans again, pulling the covers over his head. "I don't care..."

"I'm tired too, but you gotta take a shower."

"What, why do I need to... oh... yeah." I guess he forgot that last night really happened too.

I sit up, laughing at his embarrassment as I start to pull the blankets off of him. "I can feel the heat radiating off your face all the way over here." I tease.

"S-shut up! Agh, I'm gonna be in so much trouble..." he whines, holding onto the blankets tighter. "I can't believe I... you... we..." you see, this was the reaction I was expecting the night before. Not his exact words, but the same panicky and frantic way he was speaking.

I sigh, giving up on trying to get him to come out of his little huddle. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done anything..."

"B-but you didn't... you... it's not like I s-stopped you!" he says, poking his head out just enough so I can see his eyes. He looks both scared and embarrassed. "I-I mean... I... liked it... so..."

I smile, leaning over to ruffle his hair. "I wasn't planning on telling anyone. Don't worry, okay?" When he nods and pushes the blanket off of himself, I stand up and hold out my hand for him. "You can take a shower first, okay?"

"Alright." He lets out a shaky sigh, pushing some of his knotted brown hair behind his ear and smiles.

Before he's able to head off to the bathroom, though, I grab his wrist and pull him into a tight hug. "Sorry, again... but I just really, really like you..."

"Don't worry about it..." he says, stroking my hair. I can hear the smile in his voice. "Hey, lets make pancakes after we get cleaned... up, okay?"

"Ha ha, alright, we'll make pancakes." I agree, letting him go and gently pushing him down the hallway, but he turns around again.

"Hey Rox, can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure, what is it?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

Grinning, I'm thrown off when Sora suddenly presses his lips to mine, moving our mouths slowly. He pulls away and winks. "I've liked you since seventh grade." And before I can say anything he's skipping down the hall. I stand there, frozen, my lips turning into the biggest grin ever. I have to control myself from screaming 'YES!' and dancing around the room.

* * *

**Aadfadsfgsdfgsdfgaf this is my first lemon so DON'T KILL ME if it sucks! I can't believe I wrote this. Oh my god, it's so... embarrassing! Jeez, seriously, I read all these lemons but then when I go to write one my face explodes with embarrassment. I just can't ever do it. But I did! Granted, they didn't actually have sex, but it was close enough. Hope you guys liked it, I may have to write some more now that I've gotten the hang of it... hehehe...**


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